You know the feeling, right?
There’s someone totally amazing in your life and you’d really like to take them out, but your fear is holding you back and you wonder – when is the right moment to ask them? If you don’t want to get stuck on this crucial first step, check out video on my Youtube channel, Ask Sex Coach Sarah:
So before I cut to the chase I just want to say – I get it. Really. It is some scary shit to ask someone out. It means revealing your cards, it means showing your interest, and it opens up the possibility of rejection.
But it’s important to keep in mind that, essentially, no matter what you do when it comes to dating, sex, and relationships, the possibility for rejection will always be there. The secret here is in minimizing its impact on your life, and not allowing that fear to hold you back from true expressions of you.
In the video, the key piece of advice is this – the best time to ask someone out is as soon as you notice that you are interested in them.
Simple, but not easy, at least not at first.
The reason this is the optimal strategy is that by following it, you prevent yourself from investing a lot of mental and emotional energy in fantasizing about someone. That matters because, the more you have invested in someone, anyone, the more rejection can affect you and the more you feel you’ll lose.
It takes time and practice to do this consistently. Your first job here is to pay attention to yourself, to your wants and desires, and to catch yourself as your brain is about to head off into a daydream.
MINI MISSION: Start paying attention to what your brain gets up to when you’re not watching it. What kind of things are you thinking about? What are you telling yourself on this silent, internal soundtrack? How often, exactly, do you daydream, and what is your mood like before and after?
If you have any burning questions related to dating, sex, and relationships, don’t forget to share them below!
Feeling shy? You can always send your questions in complete confidence to firstname.lastname@example.org. I read every email, and your question may be answered in an upcoming post, video, or podcast!
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