I lived in cities full of ambitious city people. Most of my clients are ambitious city people who want to have vibrant careers and smokin’ hot love lives.
It’s no surprise a question I get asked in my practice – A LOT – is:
“Sarah, I met this woman and she’s great! We’ve been on a couple of dates, got on really well, and I really like her. But, I’ve asked to set up another date a few times now and she keeps saying “I’m busy.”
I’ve done everything you said – I suggested a day to meet, a time, and something to do, and same response. What gives? Is she really busy?”
In this YouTube video I address this one head on, because it is common and it causes a lot of confusion and mental anguish:
“I’m busy” always means one of two things:
#1: I’m actually, genuinely, really busy
#2: You are not a priority for me
You don’t need to know which of these two is in play with the person you’ve been seeing, because the same response works equally well. Here’s the exact script to use if you’ve suggested two meetings and been met with “I’m busy” both times:
“Hey 🙂 Thank you for letting me know, I understand! I’d still like to see you when the timing is better. Please let me know when works better for you. I will wait to hear back from you :)”
And, once you’ve said that, take a step back, leave some space, and carry on with your life. Set up meetings with other people if you want. Make your own plans.
If they are genuinely busy, removing this pressure and the guilt that comes with it is the best possible thing you can do.
If you’re not a priority, that’s ok – you are carrying on with your life, without waiting on them.
Ultimately, time availability is a compatibility factor. If you want to spend lots of time together with a dating partner, and they only want to see you once a month, it doesn’t mean anyone is a bad person, just that you’re not a match in terms of the time you want to spend together.
MINI MISSION: Spend 15 minutes reflecting on your desires for a relationship. It could be a romantic/sexual relationship, or a friendship relationship, whichever is most relevant to you right now.
How many days in a week would you like to see each other? Each time you meet, how long would you like to meet for? Of the time you spend together, how would you ideally like to spend that time? Going out? Staying in? Talking? Playing games? Having sex?
When you have a clear idea of what you want, it’s easier to find people that want the same things.
If you have any burning questions related to dating, sex, and relationships, don’t forget to share them below!
Feeling shy? You can always send your questions in complete confidence to firstname.lastname@example.org. I read every email, and your question may be answered in an upcoming post, video, or podcast!
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