Let’s meet Ieva – a late 20’s Lithuanian software developer interested in art, going to concerts, and self-improvement. Ieva has been in the dating scene for a few years and she’s here to share her perspective on dating men in STEM, and where they could use to make a change.
Dating Men in STEM
Via Tinder, Bumble, and OKCupid, Ieva has been dating on and off for 5-6 years. She meets men online and usually plans to meet up for drinks on the first date.
Ieva has been involved in traditional relationships in the past, long and short term dating, as well as the more casual one night stand over the last few years. She’s looking for a long term relationship now.
She’s had some history with men in STEM, and shares that “Know-It-All Linux users” are her type. Her favorite part of dating men in STEM is their passion – they have many subjects they’re interested in and so have a lot to share. Not to mention these folks are usually great teachers.
Passionate Men in STEM
The best quality men in STEM possess is passion for their work, interests, learning, and teaching. However, as Ieva points out, they sometimes lack the emotional element and look down on having or sharing emotions. It’s important to find a work-life balance and when in a relationship or looking for one.
When asked if she notices the same quality in women in STEM, Ieva said that she really makes a point to separate work and her personal life.
Secret Knowledge for Men in STEM
Although she’s got a type, Ieva is aware of the downside of passion and over commitment to work. She offers encouragement for men who are less self-assured. Women appreciate the willingness to come halfway.
Ieva mentions that sometimes men who are really strong intellectually complain they don’t have anything to talk about with women. Instead of writing a woman off because she doesn’t have identical knowledge and interests to you, share what’s important to you anyway! If you assume that no one can get it and refuse to try, you’ll never get the chance to enjoy sharing what you love.
That logic is self-defeating from the very beginning.
Ieva’s instant turn-off is men who look down on people or give off a vibe that others are idiots. For example, being angry about little things because everyone should know better because you know better.
Ieva sums up her hope for the future of dating, sex, and relationships with a push for recognizing common humanity, without so much emphasis on the difference between men and women. There are more shared things to connect over than you might think!
Thank you for catching up with another Her Side episode of the podcast! Each Her Side interview features the experience of a woman who dates men in STEM. This is your opportunity to catch a glimpse of the other side. What resonates with you? What can you take from this story to apply to your own life?
This is an excerpt from the extended interview with Ieva – the extended Her Side interviews are available for Patrons only.
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