Fun fact: I am fascinated by pickup artists.
I write about them, I read them, and I even completed detailed research on pickup artist books for my Master’s degree.
Sometimes, I even agree with them.
You may have heard of a pickup artist named Richard La Ruina, a.k.a. Gambler. He has released two games on Steam (Super Seducer in March 2018 and Super Seducer 2 in September 2018). He’s the author of The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want.
Now, Super Seducer is hilariously bad, and at times it strays into crude and unhelpful territory. But, I think La Ruina has a good idea – some parts about dating, sex, and relationships, like understanding body language, can be well-taught through this medium.
While his book The Natural does have many less savory hallmarks of the PUA genre – for example, an abundant use of market metaphor to describe human relationships, he does write at length about empathy.
What I love about this is the spot on, accessible, and useful way that La Ruina explains what empathy is and how to demonstrate it in interactions.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the emotional experiences of other people. It is a human skill that helps to connect us to each other. Empathy isn’t just for dating and sex – it can improve all of our relationships with other people.
Empathy is sexy AF.
Empathy can be developed – it’s not something that you’re either born with or you’re not.
It’s possible to start small and build up your understanding of others to facilitate greater degrees of empathy. I spoke on YouTube in response to a question I get asked a lot (normally in private) by my clients, and by men in my life. A lot of guys are watching the #MeToo movement unfold, and have begun to wonder:
Are women afraid of men?
It’s a complex question, with many nuances. However, there is a simple place to start when considering this question, check it out:
The data visualization referenced in the video can be viewed here.
Cultivating empathy takes time and is worth the effort. The ability to interact with empathy with the people that you date, have sex with, and build relationships with will help you to form stronger connections across the board.
MINI MISSION:Buy a fiction book and read it. Aim to find a book set in a different time, place, or culture from the one that you live in now. Fiction is key – I know many of you prefer non-fiction works. Non-fiction is great for expanding your scientific knowledge-base, or building skills for life and work.
This week, the skill you’re building is empathy. Read every day for at least 20 minutes, and keep an awareness of how you feel as you see life through the eyes of the protagonist of the story. What is their world like? What would it be like to have those experiences. Reading fiction about a diverse range of characters is an excellent way to cultivate empathy.
If you have any burning questions related to dating, sex, and relationships, don’t forget to share them below!
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