In the wake of several attacks by self-proclaimed “incels” (a portmanteau for involuntary celibates) such as Alec Minassian, Dr. Valeria and I decided to take a closer look at the concept of “sexual scarcity” or lack of sex, and the idea of the right to sex (or as some would call it, sexual entitlement). Sexual frustration and shame, as well as feelings of loneliness and rejection, have all been cited by the attackers as motivations for their actions. However all these emotions are very real, affect many more of us and need to be addressed – not just to prevent such tragic attacks from happening in the future but also to alleviate the suffering that many of us endure because of this mindset. That is why in this episode we took it upon ourselves to try and uncover where this mindset might come from, how it can affect our intimate relationships, sexual satisfaction and self-image and how er can positively address the feelings lurking behind it.
Tune in to Episode 92 of the Get Sex Smart podcast to learn:
- our take on the concept of sexual scarcity and hear our interrogation of some of the arguments around it;
- the very real impact of power imbalances and privilege on our dating lives and how to deal with it;
- why this mindset is dehumanizing and disempowering to both ourselves and our sexual partners and how it can affect our self-worth;
- how the way we raise boys is connected to it;
- how to take the first step to get out of this mindset and why it takes strength and courage to do so;
- why sex workers are not a solution to this issue.
Amia Srinivasan’s essay in London Review of Books: https://www.lrb.co.uk/v40/n06/amia-srinivasan/does-anyone-have-the-right-to-sex
If you have any burning questions related to dating, sex, and relationships, don’t forget to share them below!
Feeling shy? You can always send the questions in complete confidence to firstname.lastname@example.org. I read every email, and your question may be answered in an upcoming post, video, or podcast!
Want to be kept in the loop and learn more awesome dating tips? Subscribe to my newsletter and never miss an episode!