Step into Your Authentic Sexual Power Without Being "Creepy"

No Experience Necessary

It's not your fault that you feel creepy about sex.

Have you noticed how uncomfortable it feels, every time you try to show up as a sexual being, whether that's asking someone out or declaring your desires in a relationship? Despite what the media would have you believe about how men should be effortlessly sexually confident, that’s actually NOT on you.


In a 2016 Knox College survey (n=1341), over 95% of respondents said creepy people were more likely to be men than women, and women were more likely to associate creepiness with sexual threat.

There's a pervasive idea in society that male sexuality is dangerous. You're in no way deficient, bad, damaged, beta, a cuck, weak, lame or a loser for responding to a message you've been told your entire life.


If anything, that you're concerned about creepiness in the first place is a marker of intelligence and a clue that you already have many of the skills that will make you an extraordinary lover.

The reason you don't feel sexually confident yet is nothing to do with you and your lack of manliness. You’re plenty manly already! The real reason is childhood bullying and societal mixed messages have sabotaged your ability to take action. It’s time to take back control, don’t you think?

You can't change the past or what has happened to you on the journey to now. What you do have the power to change is what happens going forward. It all beings with awareness.

Here's What You Need to Know About Bullying, Because Bullying Affects Your Sex Life.

Just about every nerd, geek, or introvert I know shares one thing in common: we all have experiences of bullying in our childhood. What you may not be aware of is just how much those early experiences impact things like your sense of sexual worthiness or the development of sexual confidence.


Going to school meant daily experiences of cognitive dissonance, didn't it? On the one hand, here was a place full of learning. Your natural curiosity and quick mind LOVE new information, that's probably always been true. And, on the other hand, school was an arena of inescapable social interaction.


You are different. Your interests and joys go far beyond celebrity gossip or whatever is deemed cool at the moment. Your knowledge of what interests you goes deep.


The other kids noticed you were different, too.


Instead of celebrating your difference, they used it to make you a target. The told you all the ways you weren't good enough to hang out with them. They laughed at your clothes. They made fun of the way you are - your height, your body, your voice - and what you love - your passions, interests, and dreams.


They excluded you. If you were particularly unlucky, they humiliated you, beat you up, played cruel pranks on you, stole your things, spread rumors, lied to you, and generally made your life hell. 


If you have ASD, ADD, or ADHD, your experience of bullying was even more intense due to the way you process sensory information and challenges you likely have around social learning.

These experiences of exclusion deeply affected you at the time. They're still painful to remember now. You did not deserve it. You are not alone in having gone through it. The good news is, once you know how bullying has gotten in the way of your sex life, you can do something about it.

The Subtle Ways Bullying Still Screws Up Your Sex Life

  • You were excluded from implicit social skill building
    This includes body language, flirting, touch communication, how to show interest in others and notice when others show interest, how to approach partners, and more. What's more, if you spent most of your time around adults, you received outdated information on these topics.
  • You learned to strategically hide who you are to stay safe
    When you were around your peers, your brain would spin up a complex calculus weighing risk and reward. You'd map out the potential consequences of showing up as yourself. You'd think through what you thought the others would like to hear, or how you could behave so as not to draw their attention. If you overthink everything about sex and relationships, this is why.

  • You learned to devalue your desires to stay safe
    What you wanted became secondary to keeping others happy, or at least neutral. First, it probably made you angry and frustrated to squash your desires. Next, it probably made you sad. With enough time, it became a habit, to where you may not even know what you want anymore... to where you only know what you don't want.

Here's the Thing About Sexual Confidence: Sexual Confidence is a Lagging Indicator

You're an adult now, and in those years since leaving school, you might have gotten the idea in your mind that what you lack is confidence. That, if only you could develop sexual confidence, then you would be able ask for what you want - a date, a kiss, a one night stand, love, a friend with benefits...


It's an understandable line of logic. But, there is one major flaw. Sexual Confidence is a result of the actions you take. Sexual Confidence is not an antecedent to action. If you wait to feel 100% confident before you act, you will be waiting forever.

So You Want to Be Confident: Learning the Rules to Play the Game

At some point, you got fed up with being single. Maybe you got really angry one day and thought - "Fuck this, it's time for a change!" You went to Google. You went to Reddit. You searched, "How do I get a girlfriend?"


Advice from the manosphere probably showed up.


There are the Red Pillers, who believe the problem is rooted in living against the natural order of things in our modern world. You've got MGTOW, who believe women are irredeemable and want to live life apart from women. Maybe you found NoFap, who see the path to success as paved with avoiding porn and masturbation. Then, there are the Incels, who believe they are doomed to be forever alone.


But, you don't feel hopeless. Not yet, anyway. And, yes, you're angry, but it's a kind of shapeless anger that burns hot. It's an anger that wants to take action. You want to do something


Enter the Pickup Artists.


The Pickup Artists, or PUAs, present a slightly different version of events - there's a grand game being played, and if you learn the rules of engagement, you can get laid to your heart's content. The PUAs themselves are alluring - funny, charming, smart, well-dressed. They can show you the receipts: they provide ample evidence of their ability with women.


This feels like the answer you've been waiting for! Why don't they teach this stuff in school? So, you jump in. You try the routines. You apply the methods. Maybe you even experience results far beyond anything you were expecting. Maybe reading The Game by Neil Strauss changed everything and saved your life.

But, eventually, something seems off. It can come to you like a niggling irritation in the back of your mind, or as a nameless, strange sadness. Is this really how it has to be? Is this really how I have to be? Is this truly my only option for having sex and finding love?

It's hard to place this off-ness at first. It's subtle. But, on some deep down, gut level, you know it's not quite right. On some level, it feels kinda wrong, like it doesn't quite line up...

Pickup Artistry is Just Bullying by Another Name

Pickup might be a softer form of bullying than the one you remember. And, haven't pickup artists helped you? They've done more for you than the advice you got from your parents, that's for damn sure. And women respond to this stuff, don't they?


There's no discounting how immensely helpful pickup artists and the seduction community have been for countless men. They've single handedly created a space for men to come together and talk about sex and relationships. Pickup artists seek to answer the real and important questions men have.


Most importantly, pickup artists tell you how. The how of sex and relationships seems to be left out of so much advice! If you use pickup methods, you experience results.


So, what's the problem? Where's the bullying? So far, it sounds like PUA is far more helpful than harmful.


You have to remember: not all bullies show up with aggression. Some bullies come to you in the guise of the helper, the friend, the big brother who only wants what's best for you...


Bullies like this tell you how the world is and, unfortunately, if you want to win, you must play the game. 


There's a certain way you need to think about women, and there's a certain way you need to treat women if you want to have sex. Most women are basically the same, and share common triggers you can exploit. It's only natural. It's just how women are. Even if it feels icky, trust the process. It's what nature intended. 


What's more, right now, you need to understand you're not X enough to win the game. You're not manly enough, dominating enough, powerful enough. You're also too X. You're too open, too shy, too sensitive, too nice. You have to change who you are, or at least pretend well enough in order to get sex...

Nope, sorry, WRONG. It’s nothing to do with your willpower, your manliness, or your sensitivity - it’s the double standards that society demands of men and women alike. The Game is rigged so that everyone loses, if what you actually want are pleasure and connection.

What's more, not only is the pickup artist approach to sex and relationships bullying toward you and your potential partners, but it contributes to that other thing you're often worried about...

You DEFINITELY Don't Want to Be Creepy...

But What Even is Creepiness?

Here's the rotten truth: you probably do things that ARE creepy. Some of them you're aware of, and a lot of them you're not. Sometimes, it can be really frustrating, because you can't see how to do some things WITHOUT being creepy - touch and transitioning to sexual interaction probably top that list.


It's true that it's NOT your fault that you feel creepy when it comes to sex. The reason you are stuck with these feelings of creepiness, and some actual creepy behavior, is because of your experiences of bullying, of one sort or another.


You didn't choose this state of affairs. You didn't bring it on yourself. But, it is your responsibility to understand what has happened.

Here's What Creepiness Is:

There are three main components of creepiness that nerds, geeks, and introverts most often express around sex and relationships.

Out of Context Behavior

Creepiness is connected to unpredictability. That can look like behaving in weird or unusual ways, especially when you lack situational awareness or knowledge of social norms.

Hidden Intent

Creepiness is connected to having ulterior motives. This can look like becoming friends with someone when what you actually want is a sexual relationship.

Devaluing the Individual

Creepiness is connected to seeing others as interchangeable. This can sound like thinking in broad generalities about people, or wanting any woman for sex.

Put this way, it's easy to see how the consequences of bullying lead to creepiness down the line. And, because the bullying wasn't your fault, the frustration and anger you feel in the face of your struggles with sex and relationships becomes understandable.


You don't feel entitled. Far from it. You feel left behind and cast out from a human experience you deeply desire to participate in.

When a Game is Rigged, Don't Play that Game

There's one other thing about pickup artists that people don't talk about nearly enough. PUAs spend so much energy figuring out how to get sex, you'd think they write about how to have great sex, too, right?


It's revealing how little pickup artists write about sex. Some hardly mention it. Those that do write dreadful descriptions that sound wildly unappealing. Skeptical? Here's how RooshV describes sex in Bang:


"...it's [sex] an act during which a man inserts a rod-shaped mass of engorged tissue into a woman's lubricated cavity, also made of tissue. A man rubs his rod in and out, stimulating pleasure receptors in his brain until it decides to eject a genetic package that's important in continuing the species." (p. 114)

If that's all you're looking for when it comes to sex, then maybe it's best to stick to the pickup artists.


But, if what you really, deeply want is to luxuriate in pleasure, to indulge your curiosity and urge to explore, to connect in meaningful ways with women, to feel that spark of eroticism when someone looks at you with hungry eyes, and to do all of this in a way that feels good and ethical...


Then you have much better options available to you to create these experiences in your life than following the advice of people whose writing about sex is detached and almost disgusted.

Instead, Combine Dignity and Hedonism to Create the Sex and Relationship Life of Your Dreams

If not the Game, then what? Maybe you're nodding along... yes, pickup advice feels icky, but what is the alternative? To live like a monk? To stay forever alone as if it were some sort of virtue?


Hell no!


Instead of playing a game designed to be lost, one that assumes you want the same outcomes as everyone else... what if you threw out the rule book? What if you took an approach to sex and relationships that assumes an inherent dignity in all people (including yourself!) and is driven by a yearning for pleasure?


What if, instead of believing your sex life is dependent on esoteric things like charisma or being "a natural," you decide that your authentic sexual power can be expressed by building concrete skills?


What becomes possible for you when you start living a desire-led, sex-forward, and pleasure-focused life?


And, instead of going it alone and fighting your struggles and knowledge gaps in isolation, what if you had the support of a community of peers AND a sexuality expert whose entire mission revolves around taking men like you out of your overthinking mind and into a world of sensual delight?

Friend, You're Invited to Join

THE DIGNIFIED HEDONIST 

The Dignified Hedonist is a one-of-a-kind sex coaching membership for nerds, geeks, and introverts.

Part skill building, part action-taking, part expert advice and support, and part community, The Dignified Hedonist takes you from wherever you are now to a place of calm, autonomy, and confidence with sex and relationships.

By choosing to become a Dignified Hedonist, you open the door to several new possibilities:


  1. 1
    You'll Know What's Going On: In the Dignified Hedonist, you'll demystify sex and relationships and FINALLY understand what it's all about, INCLUDING things like body language, touch, flirting, and how to approach partners for relationships of all sorts, from one night stands to long relationships.
  2. 2
    You'll Create Sexual Confidence: Confidence flows from taking action, rather than being a precursor to it. You'll take intentional action to build an amazing sex and relationship life.
  3. 3
    You'll Be Able to Relax: You'll receive tailored, expert support unique to your personal situation now and as it changes over time.
  4. 4
    You Won't Be Alone: You'll have access to connection with a group of your peers while being able to maintain your privacy.

Here's A Sneak Peek at How Things Can Change...

More dates in one week than during the 10 years prior

"When I started working with Sarah, I hadn't been on a single date in my life and had no idea how would I even get one. Our work on outcome independence, allowing myself to play to my strengths and expressing them honestly had been a foundation on which I've built most of my dating skills.


By the end of our work, I've found myself routinely going on more dates in a single week than during the 10 years prior, combined, and being a rejector more often than a rejectee. If you are ready to put in the work and look for someone who will encourage you to be yourself in all your nerdy glory, then give sex coaching and Sarah a shot."

Matthew, 27
Mathematician

Name and image changed to preserve client confidentiality. His words are real.

peter

Sexual Expression without Being Needy or Creepy

“Sarah taught me dating methods which are efficient, but at the same time - decent, with care for the other side. E.g. how to communicate directly about sexual or romantic interaction, in a clear way, without being needy or creepy.


Most importantly - it works! Both in romantic terms, and friends with benefits, I got a few respectful NOes and, well, a few YESes."

Peter, 32
Data Scientist

Name and image changed to preserve client confidentiality. His words are real.

deba

Sky High Confidence

“My confidence level is quite high after a long time. I have never been so confident around women frankly. It feels so much simpler and easier.


I even had a meeting with my manager's manager today and he told me he has never seen me so confident before!"

Krish, 35
Logistics

Name and image changed to preserve client confidentiality. His words are real.

Join Now to Become a Founding Member

My mission is to help over 1,000 men create the sex and relationship lives of their dreams through the Dignified Hedonist program.


Early adoption has its perks. You'll have direct input into the creation of the program, including first dibs on requesting skills builder webinars.


What's more, founding members receive an additional BONUS - access to the Get First Messages online dating short course, INCLUDING a review of your online dating profile!


Get in early to claim these perks. The first skill builder webinar, The Ultimate Flirting Compendium, goes live on Tuesday December 1st.

We Go Live In:

12
Days
22
Hours
50
Minutes
35
Seconds
Monthly

Spread the cost over 12 months

€297 / mo

 
  • Monthly Skill Building Webinar
  • Monthly Q&A Call
  • Weekly Voxer Office Hours
  • Private Reddit Community
  • The Essential Dignified Hedonist 10 week Course
  • BONUS Online Dating Profile Review

Time + Commitment + Action = Extraordinary Growth

A Year of Amazing Personal Growth

"I went to Sarah's workshop and less then a month later, I've found my girlfriend. This should be enough of an advertisement. Since I've started going to Sarah's events, I've learned a lot about sexuality, consent and communication and slowly but surely, started applying all of that wonderful knowledge to my own personal life.


I started to find strength in myself, when saying "no", which made my "yeses" more powerful and sex and relationships more enjoyable. It was a year of amazing personal growth and I'm looking forward for more!

Vernon, 24
Student

Name and image changed to preserve client confidentiality. His words are real.

Making Complex Things Easy to Understand

"Sarah is normal. You can just talk to her, it won't be intimidating, it won't be awkward. She has this incredible skill of explaining feelings stuff in a logical, almost mathematical way.


She translates emotional to geeky. Sheldon Cooper would get laid in no time after having the talk with Sarah."

Connor, 31
Medical Doctor

Name and image changed to preserve client confidentiality. His words are real.

Sarah Martin

Creator of Dignified Hedonist

Hi! I'm Sarah Martin

I'm a Certified Sex Coach, a sociologist, and a mega nerd. I wrote my Master's thesis about pickup artists. I've got a mild rainbow fetish.

My life's mission is to help 1,000 nerds, geeks, and intelligent misfits have the best sex of their lives. Why? 


Because, when I was young, I suffered intense bullying. The people who showed me kindness through those years were the nerdy science guys. They saved my life. There is no one else I would rather serve.

Maybe This Works for Other People... How Do You Know It Will Work for You?

This is a valid question. To a certain extent, there are no guarantees. With the right road map, understanding, and support, you will get there, provided you put what you learn into practice. Knowledge is a part of how you become a Dignified Hedonist. But knowledge without action won't get you the results you're looking for.


In this membership, you will get uncomfortable. Working with your sexuality can bring up all sorts of things. It will feel easier at times to just give up and go back to binging videos about dating on YouTube. If you decide to take this path, you are likely to get rejected more, to cringe, to experience a bunch of emotions, and to struggle. What you will learn will be simple and straightforward, but it won't be easy.

The Dignified Hedonist is Not for Everyone

There are a lot of people this program will work for, and there are many who won't be a fit. In my opinion, it is not worth it if you're not going to get results. At a glance, here's a short summary of if this is for you, and if it definitely isn't:

This is for you if...

  • You want to have sex for pleasure, curiosity, and exploration.
  • You understand change takes time - you're after a long term solution.
  • You can dedicate a minimum of 3 hours each week to your sex life.
  • You're prepared to be uncomfortable and apply yourself to the work.
  • You're ready to work using a coaching framework.
  • You identify as a nerd, geek, or an introvert.

This is NOT for you if...

  • You mostly want numbers and you're only after HB10s.
  • You will be upset if you wake up on day 5 and everything isn't fixed already.
  • You're so strapped for time right now that every meal is take out.
  • You expect someone else to take care of this for you.
  • You are looking for therapy or counseling support.
  • You used to bully nerds, geeks, and introverts.

Wait, What About People Who Are: Short - Tall - Fat - Thin - Have Acne Scars - Aren't Muscular - Have a Weak Jaw Line?

Pop quiz: what do you think, if you had to guess right now, people said was the Number One Thing that makes a man attractive? Take a moment. Have you got your guess?


In a 2019 survey conducted by IPSOS, 19,000 people from 27 different countries were asked which attributes make a man beautiful. Here are the responses in descending order of importance:

Your looks are not a barrier to having a sex and relationship life that fills your days with joy and orgasms. The body you are in right now, however it may look, it enough as it is for you to experience results from this work.

It's Okay If You Feel Insecure, Needy, Lonely, Desperate, or Have Low Self-Esteem, Too

I'll let you in on a not-so-secret secret: many men feel like this, even if they never let on about it. Almost everyone I have worked with felt at least one of these. The Dignified Hedonist has been developed following my work with hundreds of people. It has been created specifically for folks that are struggling with self-limiting beliefs around sex and relationships.


There is no baseline level of confidence required to go through this program and get results, apart from deciding to believe that a change in your sex and relationship life is possible.

No Experience Necessary

You don't need to have any previous sex and relationship experience for this program to work for you. It's still true even if you've never kissed or held hands with someone. It's true even if you're over 60 years old. Sexual inexperience isn't a barrier to being able to have a satisfying and fulfilling sex and relationship life.


The Essentials Course, included in Dignified Hedonist, makes no assumptions of any background level of experience and makes sure everyone in the program is able to build a common set of foundational knowledge. It's also assumed that you, like most people, received an abysmal or non-existent sex education in school.

Couldn't You Just Learn All of This on Your Own for Free?

Maybe. How has that been working out for you so far? 


Much of the information presented in Dignified Hedonist grows out of the fields of sexology and coaching. That means it can be found in books, lectures, and blogs. When you encounter this information in the wild, though, there are things missing to take it from interesting data to action and results.


When you go it alone, your first challenge is to critically assess information - what's the veracity of the source? What biases are present in the research and in the researcher? Where did funding come from? Just because something feels true doesn't mean it is, and that's particularly the case in the realm of sexuality.


From there, you have to figure out how the data you find applies to the specific life circumstances of nerds, geeks, and introverts. How does it translate? Most importantly, how do you take that information and put it into practice in real life? Remember, this journey is often uncomfortable at times. You will get stuck. You need a plan to support yourself. Who or what will you lean on when the going gets tough?


Even assuming you could find all of this information in one form or another for free, it will cost you time, and you'll have to go and build your own support structure.


The aim of Dignified Hedonist is to help you build an awesome and satisfying sex and relationship life, whatever that might mean for you. This program isn't for you if you only want to consume the content for the quick dopamine hit from feeling like you're taking action... without actually taking action. If that is what you want, just keep doing what you're doing, and if you change your mind later on, we'll be here.

What About Privacy?

Sexuality can be connected to all sorts of uncomfortable memories and feelings. The idea of working on your sexuality at all, never mind in a group setting, can seem mortifying. We don't have many great models in society for men to be able to work on uncomfortable personal things.


In Dignified Hedonist, you have the option to operate using a pseudonym. Our community space is on Reddit, and you can create a throwaway or an alt for your interaction there. On the Skill Builder webinars, you won't be on camera though you can participate in the chat. On the Q&A calls, you have the option to appear on camera and it's fine if you choose not to. You can submit your questions in advance. In both cases, you can set your Zoom name to your Reddit handle, if you prefer to maintain pseudonymity.


You will need to share some of your data for payment processing and age verification purposes. This will not be shared with other members of the group.


You have autonomy in the group settings over how much or how little you choose to share about yourself. You get to choose from day to day how you want to show up in those spaces.


Here's Everything Included in the Dignified Hedonist:

  • Monthly Skill Builder Webinar on Zoom
  • Monthly Q&A Call on Zoom
  • Weekly Voxer Office Hours Every Friday
  • The Essentials 10 Week Course
  • Private r/DignifiedHedonist Subreddit
  • BONUS Online Dating Profile Review for all Founding Members
  • BONUS 2 Hour Touch Communication Intensive for all Annual Members

Join Now to Become a Founding Member:

Monthly

Spread the cost over 12 months

€297 / mo

 
  • Monthly Skill Building Webinar
  • Monthly Q&A Call
  • Weekly Voxer Office Hours
  • Private Reddit Community
  • The Essential Dignified Hedonist 10 week Course
  • BONUS Online Dating Profile Review

Frequently Asked Questions

When are the webinars held?

What if I can't make it live?

When do we start?

Is this therapy?

Do you offer refunds?

How do cancellations work?

What is Voxer?

How do I get the dating profile review?


P.S.: If you've made it this far, my guess is you're in two minds about joining Dignified Hedonist. It's normal to feel uncertain, and in the face of change, it's normal to look for any reason not to do it. Here's my advice - you will never know unless you try. Sign up for the monthly option and give yourself 2 weeks to try this out. If you discover it's not for you, send through your cancellation request.


And, if you decide this is for you and you're frustrated you missed out on the two months free that come with annual membership, just reach out and we'll help you upgrade your monthly membership to an annual membership.


P.P.S.: For all the legal eagles who want to cast their eyes over the terms and conditions before clicking on the join link, you can peruse them in depth here.

Still have questions I haven't answered here? Send me a message! You can email me at: sarah [at] sexualcraftsmanship [dot] com.

Copyright - 2020 Sexual Craftsmanship