Let’s meet Marta – a thirty-and-a-bit woman who has been dating men in STEM for most of her life. Marta is also in the industry, a programmer who lives in Berlin with her husband. She’s here to share with you about her experiences being in relationships and having sex with men in STEM.
Relationships with Men in STEM
So, what makes a man attractive? A man who can handle difficult situations with calm and confidence is sexy.
Marta tells the story of a trip she took with a man that made her realize this. One of the other men on the trip had a fit about the rain, which was out of their control, but her date was willing to turn it around and make the best of a bad situation.
What’s unattractive? Unpleasantness in general. Men who display anger or aggression randomly or speak awfully of people who are lower in the social hierarchy.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” – Maya Angelou
Sex with Men in STEM
Trust is really the foundation of good sex for Marta. She enjoys sex with someone she knows and isn’t interested in one night stands.
When asked, “what makes sex awesome?” she replied, “orgasms, of course!”
To the point, Marta says that, because she can find intimacy and closeness with someone in other areas of a relationship, she wants sex to be pleasurable. When asked what questions she thought partners should ask in the bedroom, Marta said asking ‘what do you like?’ is useful, but more importantly, you need to accept the answer. Talking about fantasy can be amazing foreplay, but it’s important to understand that sometimes bodies don’t work that way and fantasies can be kept as just that… a fantasy.
Marta also wishes that the use of toys and lubrication was more normalized and that people understood the use of them has nothing to do with your performance. She’s also interested in having more play in the bedroom. It’s okay to joke, and talk during sex! It doesn’t have to be so serious, enjoy yourself, laugh and play.
She thinks men should stop worrying about being a virgin or lacking experience. It’s not a problem if you’re willing to listen and sex is so vastly different from person to person that each new person it’s like you’re experiencing sex as a virgin all over again.
Being a virgin doesn’t change anything about you.
Marta shares her experience dating men in STEM and some powerful insights into why listening skills are so important. She hopes that men leave this interview understanding they don’t have to perform anything to be loved. There is no list of requirements that need to be passed to earn a relationship. You’re worthy of love regardless of what you look like, your status, or your level of experience.
Thank you for catching up with this Her Side episode of the podcast! Each Her Side interview features the experience of a woman who dates men in STEM. This is your opportunity to catch a glimpse of the other side.
What resonates with you? What can you take from this story to apply to your own life?
This is an excerpt from the extended interview with Marta – the extended Her Side interviews are available for Patrons only.
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